Her Perfect Little Mask
by xiannnz
Summary: The door slid open and the class suddenly went silent.  A girl with long pink hair; she had her hands on her knees, panting slightly to catch her breath.   Her panting doesn't make her look like a dog. No.  She looked….   Amazing.


**for better effect. listen to **

_Oceans. Sand. Trees. by Epik High _

* * *

><p>A Loner. That's what I am.<p>

She was the popular girl; one with the beauty, the kind, caring heart, the one with all the friends.

Yeah, you know her.

It was the beginning of my senior year when I transferred into Seiyo High because of my dad's job that requires him to travel all the time. I don't get why I have to go with him. He was never at home anyway.

I was standing in front of the class, girls are squealing, some people saying I would look good with 'Amu-sama'.

I didn't know who this 'Amu-sama' was. I didn't care. She was probably some girl who would throw herself on me and then get tired of my personality and lose interest, just like any other girl.

The teacher was a complete idiot; he was standing there; trying to calm the class, which he managed to fail completely.

The door slid open and the class suddenly went silent. A girl with long pink hair; she had her hands on her knees, panting slightly to catch her breath.

Her panting doesn't make her look like a dog. No.

She looked….

Amazing.

It was a few minutes later, when she stopped her panting. She looked up. Our eyes made contact and I felt my breath hitched.

What I was staring two was 2 orbs, gold-like orbs; they were as bright as the stars and I just couldn't look away.

I felt that time had stopped.

But, of course it didn't.

She smiled.

"Sorry, I'm late"

Her voice was soft, sweet but not sickeningly sweet. It was at that moment, I figured out my favourite melody.

I figured out then that I like her.

_The first and only girl I had ever liked._

_xxxxxxxxxx_

I couldn't pay attention to class since then. My eyes were always on her, following her every move. It may sound like I'm a stalker but I just can't help it. Whatever she did, it's just so graceful, perfect.

People surrounded her all the time.

Everybody knows her. Everybody respects her, even the teachers do.

And with my cold personality, people just stop caring about me, you know? I think they have forgotten that I existed.

Amu. I found out that she had a boyfriend. My hope was crushed but that didn't stop me from observing her. It wasn't enough for me to take my eyes off her. It wasn't enough…

_xxxxxxxxxx_

One day, she came up to me and introduced herself.

I was speechless. For her to talk to me like that, it seems like a dream. For her to even know my existence, to even notice me. I pinched myself and find out that it wasn't a dream.

It took all of my willpower to not jump up at that moment and cheer.

Then realization dawned on me. If I were to be her friend, I would be around her and her boyfriend a lot, won't I?

I'm not looking forward to see them acting all lovely-dovely in front of me. So I ignored her.

She doesn't seem to mind though and kept on trying. She'd have this timetable or something, every Tuesday and Thursday during lunch, she'll be talking to me and asking me random questions.

I answer sometimes though. It's just… I don't know. Something about her made me want to answer the questions.

I remember one day, we were on the rooftop, and she was leaning against the railing, the wind blowing through her hair. She looked like an angel.

I don't know what made me do it but I asked her a question. It was the first time and the only time. I asked why does she bother to try and make friends with me. Why didn't she ignore me like everyone else did…

She smiled. Then she asked me, "Aren't you lonely?"

It was the first time someone said that. It was the first time someone noticed it. Growing up, my dad is a famous violinist that are often away performing in concerts, my mum had died when I was only 5 and my little sister? She's always away for her tours and concerts; Hoshina Utau, Japan's biggest teen sensation.

My personality has always been cold. I wasn't one of the friendly types of people who make friends easily. I could say, I grew up completely alone.

I didn't reply to her question but somehow, I got a feeling that she knows the answer and she knows that I know.

_That day was imprinted into my memory._

__xxxxxxxxxx__

Since then, I allowed myself to talk to her.

Talk to her but not be her friend.

You know? Like an acquaintance

But somehow, in the midst of our talks, I allow myself to let the like and amazement that I have for her to be able to turn into love.

_xxxxxxxxxx_

It was during September when she started not coming to school a lot. It was also during then, she stopped trying to be my friend.

I shrugged.

A part of me hated her but another part of me hated myself for bringing my hopes up.

_xxxxxxxxxx_

In October, She didn't come to school for a week. I don't know if anyone noticed cause everyone and everything was like always.

When she came back to school, her radiant aura wasn't there anymore. It was like the aura was sucked away. That day after school, I saw one of her friends talking to her; Rima Mashiro I think.

She had asked the reason why Amu didn't attend her classes at all for the past week.

Amu shrugged.

Rima didn't say anything more.

For the next week, Amu started looking duller and emptier, it pained me to see her in this state but I didn't have enough courage to talk to her.

She was often caught in a daze, staring in space. She always looked out of it.

What bothers me was that her friends didn't seem to show any concern. It irked me to no end. Sure, I never had a real friend before but do real friends act like that…?

After a few days, I overheard another conversation between her and that Rima Mashiro again. Mashiro was asking why Amu isn't acting like her old self.

It was silent.

It was a while before Amu replied. She said, "Rima. Tomorrow, I promise. I promise that I'll be back to normal again."

I walked away then. I don't know what's the reply to that.

But if you ask me what I think the reply might be today, I would say Mashiro probably gave a shrug or an "okay".

Because if she said anything different. Maybe Amu wouldn't be so miserable. Maybe Amu wouldn't have died.

Sure enough, the next day. Amu recovered her radiant aura. She started smiling again but her smiles never reached her eyes.

Her friends seem to be happy with it so I went along. I didn't approach Amu.

What a big mistake.

_xxxxxxxxxx_

A week before graduation, I have heard that Amu's boyfriend cheated on her. They broke up. I feel ashamed that at that moment, I couldn't help and silently cheer.

Days go by and I try to get the perfect chance to talk to her.

But every time a chance passed me by, my courage wouldn't be enough and I would whisper to myself, "next time. I'll talk to her the next time."

_First chance. Second chance. Third chance. Fourth chance._

And then soon enough, there's one day left till graduation.

I couldn't gather enough courage even though I know that I no longer have much time left before we leave the school and leave everything behind to start our new lives.

I didn't know that time, on that one last day. The chance that I was given would be the last. If I did know, I would've done different. But it's too late to go back now. It's too late.

I looked around for her during graduation. I couldn't find her. I couldn't help thinking if she's boarding her plane to California or somewhere far to continue her studies.

The principal coughed and asked everyone to get in his or her seat.

I still remember what he said that day, the words that tore my heart into two.

"Before we start with the ceremony, I have a terrible news to share with everyone. Hinamori Amu, I'm sure you all know what that is has committed suicide yesterday night. She was found dead in her bathroom this morning by one of her maids. In the memory of what she has given the school, her kindness, her love, her care that she has given to everyone of us. A memorial has been built to honor her. Now, let us start with the ceremony."

I felt numb. I didn't know what to do anymore.

_xxxxxxxxxx_

Later on, I found out that her family was like mine.

Always away.

I found out that her friends aren't really her friends. They didn't shed a tear for her, not a single one.

I found out that unlike me, she was alone since the moment she was born; always surrounded by servants.

I had my mum and my little sister to grow up with till my mum died when I was 5 and till Utau started her career when I was 12.

_She had no one._

Her perfect life doesn't seem as perfect to me anymore.

She has always been hiding behind that mask of hers.

I finally found out the reason that she approached me. She must have noticed the loneliness I have and tried to save us both before its too late.

Too bad, I didn't see the loneliness in her. I wasn't in as much pain as her. I act like my cold self every day, hoping that someone would come and talk to me but her? She had people around her all right but for them to stay, she had to stay hidden her mask that she had built for herself.

_The perfect little mask. _

Everyone was saddened by her death but they hadn't stopped and think of what they've done or rather what they didn't do.

I looked up, staring at the same view that I've seen when I've asked her that question. The only difference is that this time there's no Amu in front of me.

_Amu. Amu. Amu._

Everyone has their fair share of fault that she died, I understand that but I can't help thinking that it's all my fault.

She reached out to me but I didn't see that.

I thought she was happy.

_I guess I was wrong._

* * *

><p><em>Hey guys! (: I apologize for not updating my other stories but I've this huge writer's block. The idea for this one-shot came to me somewhere in May, I had written half of it before and has just stumbled upon the file for this today.<em>

_Feeling bored and all, I decided to finish this and maybe try to get rid off my writer's block. I didn't expect for this one-shot to be this long. It's not that long compare to others but it's my longest one-shot/chapter so far._

_As for the song above, _

_Oceans. Sand. Trees._

_I was in the mood for Epik High today and so I played my epik high's songs on shuffle and this song, well melody caught my ears...? _

_I've been listening to this as I write. I think it really suits the storyline. _

_Somehow, while writing this one-shot, the images played in my mind. It's like a short movie, something like Strangers Again by Wongfu Productions._

_and so.. it was hard for me to put it in words._

_Although, I didn't get rid of my writer's block though after finishing this. I'm glad that I had at least written something for you guys._

_It's not this good as I have kind of force everything out but well, I tried ? (:_

_I'm taking my O' levels next year so my teachers are putting the stress on us, you know? But that's not an excuse._

_But I'm going to tell you guys that it might be a while before I started updating again but I would try and at least write some one-shots. _

_Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this little one-shot and um . if there's any mistakes (who am I kidding? There's lots.), review so I can improve._

_I'm sorry that my AN is long and that I'm rambling but well, I'm taking this chance to tell you, readers about what's going on and all that. _

_So... see you guys around :]_


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